Dear Diary… 4/25/2013

Dear Diary,

 

  I’ve almost made it through a week of heavy antibiotics (pulsing three for three days per week, the fourth antibiotic for two days per week); one more week to go until I get a break.

 

  Except I’m not getting a break.  The two weeks in between “antibiotic weeks” have been just as hard in many ways, although the symptoms decrease in some cases but leave other symptoms, worse that ever.

 

  It would be nice to get a break.  That’s the goal here – that my body heals itself in-between the heavy antibiotic weeks.  However that goal has, for the most part, just been a dream while my body tempts me to depths of hopelessness and discouragement.  If this treatment does not work, what am I to do? I’ve been trying different ways to heal my body for thirteen years; medications and supplements have stocked up my entire dresser as well as a few drawers in my room.  Believe me, I’ve kicked butt.

 Headaches, muscles aches and joint pain, fatigue, air hunger, mental confusion and word-search, nausea… It’s 24/7, and with these certain symptoms significantly higher than before I began these weeks of pulsing antibiotics require me to, once again, learn to live with pain.

  LIVING life, not SURVIVING life, is my goal.  It’s a tough path though – over 13 years of experience still has not brought me to the mountaintop that is supposed to rise before me as I walk along this path.

  Thanks for letting me vent, Diary.  You rock.

 

 

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