The courage to try blue swirls 2
while you cry is a quality, in my estimation, more valuable than gold.
 The ability to remain sane while going through chronic Lyme is, in my estimation……
 Nearly impossible.
  • The physical aspect of chronic suffering is, well, physical and  can therefore be dealt with through medications, supplements, exercise, diet, etc etc etc.
  •  The psychological aspect of chronic suffering is h*** on earth.
black swirls
 You seem to have no control over the swirling despair that sucks up your mind like a hurricane, dumping you emotionally on a pile of s*** once it decides it has had enough for the time being.
 Don’t believe me? I dare you to read on.
I dare you to walk in my shoes.
I dare you to even try to understand the mind of Lyme.
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  Approximately one hour ago I was caught in the sudden psychological wave that some might call a panic attack or anxiety attack, but to a Lyme brain is nothing less than emotional warfare.
My brain began to buzz slightly and, having over a decade of experience in these matters, I knew by the nausea, increased heart rate and onset of tears, Lyme had taken over my mind and I now had to fight like h*** to bring my psychological and physical senses back to a normal state.
 “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
The words began pouring out of my mouth after I suddenly snapped and raised my tone to a frightening degree when responding to a loved one. The words were out before I could stop them, angering me to no degree as I fell into the pit of despair and depression that accompanies these attacks. Tears fell out of my eyes without my knowledge. My hands began to shake. My breathing became shallow. I began to see gray descend over my vision.
  No. No. No.
I can fight this. I can’t stop it from happening, but I can fight this; this attack is not caused by my inability to deal with reality! It is caused by Lyme and the herxing that accompanies the enormously difficult treatment required to flight chronic Lyme disease. In short, these psychological outbursts of despair are caused by PHYSICAL issues. 
  •  Meditation.
  • Intense focus.
  • Regulated breathing.Blue Horizon 1
 I began my attack on my attack
by finding a dark corner and quickly putting my feet up as high as possible. My father, once trained to be a fighter pilot, taught me how  to deal with the sensations of defying gravity while pushing G’s as your blood rushes to your feet instead of your head…he taught me how to deal with these attacks, the sensations of which are very similar to mastering a fighter jet:
  • – concentrate. focus. tense all your muscles, harder, harder. now let them go. 
  • – tense your muscles again, harder, harder, harder, forcing the blood to your brain. get you blood back there, allow your brain to fight this, allow your brain to fight the overwhelming psychological odds.
  • – tense again, keep your feet up if you can, release.Blue Horizon 1
Having trained myself in mediation, relaxation and hypnotic techniques, I focused my eyes on one spot, focus, focus, focus. Tears, unbidden, fell from my eyes.
 My gaze glazed over as I maintained tunnel vision. Now, meditation. Remove your mind from the situation. Place yourself elsewhere. Concentrate, tense, release, breathe, tense, release, breathe, cry.
 Fifteen minutes later, I stood up. Checked my pulse: normal. Checked my breathing: normal. Checked my emotions: still under attack.blue swirl droplets
 Slipping on shoes, I walked into the frigid air in shorts and a light top, shocking my body temperature as I maintained tunnel vision and deep concentration, calling on self-taught breathing techniques to accomplish this.
 I spent approximately ten minutes in the cold, walking, tensing, breathing, concentrating, breathing, breathing, meditating.
black swirls 
Then, I lost the control:
a sob escaped my lips and I saw gray and black engulf my vision as new tears flew from my eyes. My breathing hitched; where was I? My tunnel vision, concentration and meditation was lost completely. I don’t know how, but I know why.
 Thanks Lyme, you really reward a girl who has struggled against you and fought battles such as these constantly. My body is riddled with you, riddled with Lyme, chronically suffering from the aspects of this detestable disease.
 I’m not a hero like those serving in the military as soldiers.
 But d*** if I am not a soldier against Lyme. 
 My personal journal concludes here. Those with Lyme, you know how these emotional battles end but never end. You know how these scenarios, whether to this severity or not, are faced constantly when going through Treatment. You know. It’s h***.
  Those without Lyme, please realize that I’m chronically ill and have been for over a decade. My physical body has deteriorated at a horrific rate during that time, yet I still fight with all my might and power to receive healing from this disease, at least to a maintainable degree so I can live as a young adult in a realistic world. 
 Please realize, read and understand this if nothing else:
  • I’m sick.
  • But I wrote this.
  • I just went through this.
  • I just fought like nobody’s business. Blue Horizon 1
I dare you
to go through what I just did, and what thousands of other young adult Lyme patients go through as well. Let’s see how well you deal with the

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One thought on ““THE LOSSES OF LYME:” YOUR MIND?!?

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