“THE LOSSES OF LYME:” Self-Esteem

“Win”
by Brian McKnightgreen pics 5

 

Dark is the night
I can weather the storm
Never say die
I’ve been down this road before
I’ll never quit
I’ll never lay down, mm
See I promised myself that I’d never let me down

    I’ll never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I’ll never fail
I’ll just get up and try again

Never lose hope
Never lose faith
There’s much too much at stake
Upon myself I must depend
I’m not looking for place or show
I’m gonna win

No stopping now
There’s still a ways to go, oh
Someway, somehow
Whatever it takes, I know
I’ll never quit, no no
I’ll never go down, mm, mm
I’ll make sure they remember my name
A hundred years from now

When it’s all said and done
My once in a lifetime will be back again
Now is the time
To take a stand
Here is my chance
That’s why I’ll…

I’m gonna win.
green pics 2
 
  Dear Lymies,
 
  The other day I was through. Through with life, through with the pain, through with fighting the same battles every day. Every morning I wake up exhausted and push myself to get up and go; every afternoon I survive the driving forces of pain in my body that beg me to lie down and stay down for a long, long, long time; every evening the feeling of numbness crowds my mind as I realize once again that, just like the days, months, and years previous, I will go to bed and wake up the next day, only to encounter the same battles with the same levels of pain and the same side effects of Lyme disease.
 
  “I will do whatever it takes to get better,” says a note card on my bathroom mirror.  I put it there to remind myself that I WILL fight, I WILL get up, I WILL win.
 
green pics 3
  Each day mocks me however, as the pain increases and the side effects of Lyme such as excruciating aches and pains in all my joints and muscles, a cluster of headaches that never go away, debilitating exhaustion, little-to-no energy, and the psychological urge to give up.  These are only a few symptoms. 
 

  When I decide to fight every day and every day it seems like I lose, my self-esteem seems to vanish as though to say, “whatever you are doing, it isn’t enough and whoever you are as a person, you aren’t enough to beat this.”

 
  I fight to maintain a positive attitude and, thanks to 14 years of fighting these battles, I am often able to catch these low self-esteem thoughts before they drag me down to the dark pits of discouragement. 
 
 
Everywhere in my apartment, I have notecards reminding me why I fight, why I fight every day, and why I must continue to fight even if it means battling for years and years.
  green pics 4
  Even if we fall, as we all do, we do not fail.  I had to share the song above as encouragement, and point out those special lines. 
Falling does not mean failing.
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11 thoughts on ““THE LOSSES OF LYME:” Self-Esteem

    • Thank you for those encouraging words! Even if that day never comes for me, the note cards have become part of my life and part of my way of thinking about life now; this way of thinking is much more positive then years previous, so I’m grateful for the benefit I have already received!

  1. Shelby, I hope today is a better day, the beginning of more better, brighter days. The doctor is no longer sure it is Lyme but Chrinic Pain – it all seems much the same this morning.
    Thank you for all your help, it meant so much to me at a time when I felt very lost and confused. So we can drag ourselves out of bed, in pain, maybe for different reasons, but sisters of pain fighting our battles.
    Blessings
    Susan ❤

    • Susan, every day is a challenge and some days are worse than others. It helps us more than we realize, to know that someone out there at least understands the type of agony we face. Sister of pain, especially Chronic Pain, we help each other! What you wished for me, I wish for YOU: better, brighter days in the future!
      Please let me know if I can help in any other way, or if you have any suggestions as to an article/topic I could write about on the blog that you think would help.
      -shelby

      • Shelby you are a true inspiration, I am currently trying to come to terms with 10 months of time wasted, taking vie anitbiotics without good cause! My generalist ‘thought’ there was something ‘else’ going on because I wasn’t reacting to the anitbiotics the way I should, If only they would listen sooner and not later. For him the results or still not in so I have to wait=it for his response. My GP said “Fibromyalgia”,I’m not sure how I feel tonight, apart from exhausted again. It;s almost a waking nightmare with everyone arguing which way to go.
        So tonight dear one, I am going to sleep if I can and hope the fog has lifted,
        Til then. My thanks and blessings’
        Sussan x

      • Susan,
        I was diagnosed with both Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia (and a few other things) before I tested positive for Lyme. The doctors who saw me would scratch their heads, ask the same questions and run the same tests as the previous practitioner I had seen. After spending a good amount of money, the doctor would send me away to…see if allergies were the root of the problem, or to see a Chiropractor, “to see what happens after a month or so of that.”
        I was told it was all in my head.
        I was told that many times. Even when I was bedridden.
        Please, know that I know your pain. I’m currently writing a book that will be my story because I believe many could identify with my struggles. I know what I’m saying clicks with you.
        Please know I am sending positive energy your way, energy that will lift the clouds and allow you to breathe when you wake up 🙂 If you have any questions, please feel free to ask; I may post something on my blog as a result, and that would help others as well (of course it would a general post, with no specifics or names).

      • Please be my guest Shelby. I’ve taken a week off WordPress whilst I digested this last piece of advice. My LLMD has scratched his head and stopped all antibiotics because he is now unsure if I have Lyme. He feels all my symptoms (which mimic the Lyme) were in fact reactions to the meds.He has sent me for a barrage of bloods and X Rays, Ultrasounds and MRI’s. Meanwhile, for the FIRST time my GP (primary care doc) has said I have Fibromyalgia 0 with Chronic Pain, added to the mix of other things, (depression, anxiety, stress, back injury etc).
        Ity amazes me that it has taken so long to get anyone to take this seriously. I mean, this as been going on for 15 years and it has taken until now for someone to put any name to the problem. Truthfully, I’m not sure hoe to feel. If it isn’t Lyme at least there are no more horrid drugs. I haven’t had a good day in 10 months. If it is ‘simply’ Fibro – then there is no cure, like Chronic pain,ME/CFS, and the alphabe soup. My first post in a week is a delicious jam we made – trying to digest the news? 🙂
        Blessings
        Susan X

      • Susan,
        I truly hope that I was not too forward or orverwhelming in my last reply to your message. I certainly cannot heal or cure you or even diagnose you; I can only share from my own experience.
        If you live in Virginia, there are some doctors I can recommend. I completely understand the feeling that the doctors you are trusting with your health are not taking you seriously. I have had doctor after doctor pull me aside from my parents (I got sick at age 13 and continued to be sick throughout my teen years), and tell me “it is all in your head,” or “are your parents trying to convince you of something? It’s okay, you can tell me.” Some doctors took advantage of the fact that I was a young girl. Some doctors prescribed drugs for the symptoms and sent us away, not caring to find the root of the problem. Going through these experiences and more allows me to completely sympathize with you and send you positive encouragement, which you can see on big white coulds or stars in the night sky, that someone else out there has endured the trials you are going through.
        Chat soon,
        Shelby

      • Hi Shelby,
        No, you haven’t overwhelmed me, I think I was just about to take a dive from over doing things. I’ve been madly rushing to get tests ad stuff done as well s see a Naturopath and now my Lyme doc has said he didn’t think it was Lyme. I received a call late yesterday to advise me that I had tested positive for the MHTFR gene mutation and to watch ‘X’ video and read “Y” website then see a naturopath for supplements. To say I was over whelmed was putting it mildly.
        So now I’m trying to reassess and move forward. I’m already reacting to the B vitamin load… always have been sensitive to it and life is a tad uncomfortable.
        When I find out more I’ll let you know. Wish the doctor had thought to have the damn test done a year ago….
        Ciao,
        Susan x

  2. I was just diagnosed with Lyme disease and am a tad overwhelmed, I love your website and will continue to follow your journey as it’s very inspirational and knowing I’m not alone is comfort in itself, thank you Shelby

    • Shelley,

      Thank you for your comment. I realize it’s been many months since you wrote it, and I apologize for being unable to reply earlier. I wanted to quickly encourage you and say that Lyme disease is difficult, yes, but it is not YOU. No matter how overwhelmed you may feel, please remember there are others out there who have fought and found relief. If I can help in any wsy, please let me know.

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