“THE LOSSES OF LYME:” PHYSICAL & MENTAL STRENGTH

Dear Journal,

  I’m scared to write these words as I’m both disappointed in myself and exhausted to the point that writing is nearly impossible. But I want my readers to know. I want my readers to read my story and see that Lyme disease can drain the body in the blink of an eye, leaving you exhausted beyond belief, drained of strength beyond feeling and understanding, and discouraged beyond hope.

  Four days.

  Four days, I laid on my couch with only enough strength to click-through tv shows. I couldn’t walk my dog, I couldn’t fix meals, I couldn’t do any work, and worst of all, I couldn’t visit with my sister and brother-in-law who were visiting during this time. Gee, I could barely stand up. Physical and mental strength had deserted me.

  My eyes would only half-open when someone talked to me. I could answer, but my voice was low and oxygen seemed to run out very quickly when I spoke.

  Journal, I was SO discouraged during this time that my body felt like a limp rag, and I couldn’t fight anything physical or emotional thrown my way. Discouragement and depression settled around me and I had no strength to stand up with my usual stubbornness and kick those thoughts in the behind. My parents were extremely worried about me and took me to see my primary doctor. She walked into our waiting room and immediately asked what was wrong. I was slumped over in my chair and so overwhelmed with being out and about, having to withstand new environments that I simply couldn’t process because of lack of strength, as well as having to force myself to think that hot tears were pouring down my cheeks. 

  On the 4th day my best friend visited me. It was hard to sit up and make room for her to sit  (I hadn’t the strength to wash my dishes, throw away my trash, or put away mail and other little things here and there), but I did my best. During her visit, I started to feel strength slowly return to my body. Could it be?

  She knew my pain, and she gave me HER strength through encouragement and understanding and the bond of unending friendship.

  The next day, I was running errands, cleaning my rooms, walking my dog, etc, etc.  Lyme disease can suck the life out of you – I am living proof – but understanding and encouragement from someone who also struggles can give you positive energy, positive thoughts, and strength to carry on.

  Journal, those four days were horrible, I cannot lie.  However, they do make me appreciate both the strength that my body has most days and those who understand my pain and suffering from chronic Lyme disease. Believe me, they are few and far between! This makes me appreciate them even more, however, and even read more on other blogs from LYMIES to get encouragement.

  Lyme disease, you suck.  You teach me lessons, making me a better and more mature person however, and for that I cannot hold on to bitterness against you.  HOWEVER, if you give me another four days like those I recently endured, then know this: I will direct intense, fiery anger against you and speak words that will leave no doubt as to how I feel about your little “teaching moment,” and I will direct negative energy and thoughts towards you, such as

“why me?”

“will my life ever get better, or will my suffering define my future,”

“I can muster up the strength to fight this physical pain, and I can grab my encouragement cards to fight the mental pain, but it will take everything I’ve got,”

and the famous quote from one of my heroes, Margaret Thatcher,

“sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” 

  Shelby