If Beauty Sleep exists, it’s Passing Me By

A Lymie climbs many mountains and goes through many valleys.  Each mountain consists of many trials, some so difficult that walking is impossible.

During those times, a Lymie has no choice but to sit down and wait out the trial, getting through it moment by moment, hour by hour.

  I’m climbing a mountain right now called Sleep Mountain. I haven’t climbed very far however, because I have been forced to sit many times to get through trials and difficulties.  Take last night for instance.

  Fighting a migraine and trying to sleep do not go hand in hand, but I was doing my best to make it work …The past days have been filled with nights of sleeplessness, but I desperately want to break the pattern and find a way to sleep peacefully after the lights go out. Last night’s brave attempt was met with tears and after hours of fighting for my beauty rest, I suddenly wanted to stop.

  Why fight again? My mind was overcome with the darkness surrounding me.  Why fight, why even win for tonight, when tomorrow the battle will begin again, and again the day after, and again the day after that? Tears spilled down my cheeks as my head bent low with defeat.

  I did wipe away the tears and pick up the fight again, gaining me a few hours of rest…eventually.

  But Sleep Mountain is still a difficult climb, and I have a feeling the next knock – me – down trial will occur tonight, after others have snuggled under their blankets and fallen asleep peacefully and soundly, without giving it a moments thought.

  Sleep…so important for those who are sick, but so evasive to many Lymies, including myself. You wonder why we sleep late in the morning, sometimes until early afternoon? Judge us you may, but we are making up for countless hours of sleepless nights. Countless hours.

  I look forward to reaching the top of this mountain and making up for some of those hours. Sleep Mountain will appear again and again as I walk through life – it’s a curse caused by Lyme disease.

  But right now I want to reach the top of this mountain and sleep without fighting for hours to do so. Forget Beauty Sleep; I just want Sleep.

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4 thoughts on “If Beauty Sleep exists, it’s Passing Me By

  1. Hi, Shelby. I became aware of your blog came by way of your sister who is friends with my niece, Joy Coates Fell. I was diagnosed in June 2013, three weeks after visiting my family in Wisconsin. Five days in the hospital with 3 IV antibiotics at a time, a PIC line for two more months. I was seriously ill. We mentioned our trip to WI and the infectious disease doc put me on the Lymes protocol immediately. I responded well so he diagnosed me based on that. No tests. I am grateful it was diagnosed early, quite miraculous considering we live in an area in Ohio where they just don’t see Lyme disease. It appears I am no longer in remission. The list of current symptoms is long. I, too, can’t sleep. A mountain indeed! And the pain…migraines, muscles, joints. Brain fog is back. Driving has become difficult, just too foggy and spacey. I barely have the energy to make myself a meal let alone eat. I could go on. I turned to my husband a couple of days ago and said “I’m paying such a high price for visiting my family.” My dad isn’t doing well, he’s 85 and in poor health. We need to visit but my fears are huge. HUGE!

    • Hi Linda,

      Thank you for sharing your story – although you responded well to a Lyme protocol at first, I was very sorry to hear about your current situation. Feel free to search “The Loss of Lyme” on my blog to read more of my own experiences with many of the symptoms you mentioned.
      I, too, often have no energy to make a meal, do the dishes, or even walk my dog. Rather recently, my brain fog caused me to put butter in my utensils drawer! It can be so, so very hard to feel hope when your body is struggling so much.
      Because I also have many fears that haunt me on a daily basis, I consistently look up encouraging quotes to try and lift my spirit. I have a second blog, http://www.bellaquotes.wordpress.com, where I post those quotes in case they are encouraging for anyone else.
      I would love to be of as much help as I can! Please feel free to ask any questions; after 14 years with chronic Lyme, I have been through a few things, including many different protocols. I was curious, do you have access to a good doctor at this time? I know how rare they truly are.
      Again, feel free to ask questions and I hope that no matter ehat, you are able to find some medications, supplements, and protocols that will again send your body into remission! !
      -shelby

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