Illness and Jealousy

Laying on the couch, watching a show. That is a common custom with me, as it relaxes me and lays some of the stress to rest. There are times however, when my mind is on anything but the show, as was the situation today. I started thinking about Lyme, and sickness, and being sick while dealing with jobs, family, relationships…and jealousy.

Has anyone ever been jealous of you because you are sick?   In a way, people should be very jealous of those with chronic illnesses because of the maturity they acquire just from living daily life. Think about it: those who are sick deal with multiple major stressors every hour of every day, they deal with living with others but feeling completely alone because of their illness, they climb the mountains of financial struggle, inadequate doctors, and medications that don’t cut it. But are you jealous of them because of all this?

Earlier this year, I dealt with people who were jealous of me.   Of course they never came right out and told me what they were jealous about, but I eventually figured out that it had something to do with my dedication towards making myself a better person (health wise and otherwise) along with the intense concentration I gave towards each barrier thrown in my path. These qualities are really lessons that I have learned because of having Lyme.

At first, it boggled my mind. Jealous of me? I mean, come on, who wants my life? Who wants to be sick every minute of every day? Then I realized that they were not jealous of my life. They were jealous of the person I had become because of my life.

That jealously was so intense it amazed me. They threw everything they had into trying to smear my reputation as an honest but dedicated person. Their fight against me was trying, I cannot deny, as lies were spread and delicious rumors among the social world abounded. I grew tired of their attitude and began to tune them out of my life because of the draining effect they were beginning to have on me.   It still puzzled me at the time, why they were trying to tear me down. But it makes sense now.

Because of my 15-year struggle with Lyme disease, I have grown so much and faster than many of my peers, simply because I had to.   Dealing with such intense pain on an every-day basis has made me humble. It has brought me down to earth as far as dreams and goals are concerned and made me face the life I will likely lead forever head-on. It has given me the ability to listen to others, and to understand and sympathize with their pain. It has made me stronger in spirit and more honest. It has broken me a thousand times, and I have stood back up a thousand more. Don’t get me wrong; I have a long, long, long way to go. But thanks to Lyme, I have come a long way.

Jealous of me? Jealous of us? You know what, others should be jealous because they haven’t fought the fight we have and come out stronger in the end. I wouldn’t wish Lyme disease or chronic illness on anyone. But I now understand why someone could be jealous of me and jealous of those who are ill. It shows me that illness can make a person stronger, warmer and more generous, smarter, braver…and so, so, so much more.

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3 thoughts on “Illness and Jealousy

  1. Hi Shelby…this is really interesting and something I hadn’t thought before, but I can see how it could be true. More than anything I’ve felt like I’ve alienated people. Ive become focused on things like human rights, self-development, meditation etc. I don’t want to (and even if I did couldn’t) go out to a bar or shopping for things I don’t need like many of my old friends do. Also, people don’t understand chronic illness, I think it scares them. It seems people have a frantic need for you to be okay. Thanks for sharing your experience and realizations…

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