As of the end of July, I officially passed the 2 month mark of being back in the workforce. My new job is going well, all things considered. Of course, adjustments have had to be made however this was expected since not too long ago I was considered bedridden from my illness.
It was a wise decision to enter the workforce slowly with something part-time. I work 25 hours every week and my body has needed the other hours to rest and rebuild. In the near future it is my hope to continue progressing either to something full-time, or going back to school while continuing to work. Time will tell.
Retail is nothing new to me, but getting used to answering to a boss and working with different personalities has taken some time. My co-workers are, honestly, exceptionally pleasant and make the hours pass quickly. My boss is a bit of a different story. She is extremely OCD and anal (the word “perfectionist” is often used as a nice way to describe her personality) and as expected with those traits, she focuses on the negative far more than the positive. In fact, in the time I’ve been there, she has never complimented or praised me on the many things I’ve done right. I have, however, gotten several notes about how the storage boxes are not being put accurately under the tables. They make me laugh.
Perhaps I am used to impossible standards with bosses but I highly doubt it; I’ve worked for sexual predators, lesbians who hit on their underlings and Vicodin-popping authority figures in the past. I’ve even been an authority figure myself and while I was certainly no perfect example, I learned that the attitude of the boss often directly relates to the success of the workers. Thankfully, my age and maturity (haha) have helped me realize that my attitude is mine alone, and I am the only one responsible for it. Therefore, no matter how many times I am corrected on the “proper” way to fold a t-shirt or the amount of tape that should be used when sealing an envelope, I am determined to smile and remain the person I am: in short, an energy-giver who, to the best of her ability, encourages and looks for the good in those around her.
After all, this job is temporary and I’m certainly not making a career out of it. But I am grateful for it. I often wake up with a smile on my face because I realize just how far I have come with my health struggles. Yes, I am tired because of my new job and the added responsibilities, but it’s a GOOD tired.
During my days off I am constantly reminded that life as an adult revolves around dishes, cleaning, laundry and paperwork. It never ceases to amaze me how much time and energy these responsibilities entail and yet they HAVE to be done! No wonder rich people hire maids, accountants and personal secretaries; I certainly would if I had a few extra dollars laying around. However, there is a silver lining: my cooking has drastically improved and I feel much more confident when attempting new recipes. As I wrote about before, I am even at the point of creating a few of my own recipes. These past two months I have made approximately 20 dozen cookies and muffins (many of which were passed around to friends and family). My grilling techniques are also improving greatly (I used to be afraid of the grill but the intense heat of the summer made it even more miserable to turn on the oven). A few weeks ago, I even grilled bacon. I highly recommend this method.
Also, in less than a month, I will be a bridesmaid at the wedding of a dear friend. I must admit dear readers, this wedding has caused me a lot of anxiety. Mostly about my weight and the continued struggle to lose the last 30 pounds (I’ve shed 75 pounds in the past year and a half). The intense desire to be “thin” has brought back some of the thought patterns of those eating-disorder years (I struggled with an eating disorder for nearly 5 years during my early 20’s). It came as a surprise because I had been fully recovered for years when these thoughts suddenly began taking over my life again. It didn’t help that one of my doctors began harping on my weight as well. I understood her desire for me to be completely healthy, but “thin” often doesn’t equal “healthy” and many struggle to comprehend that. However, I’m eternally grateful to my family and close friends for continually reminding me that a number on a scale does not a person make. This struggle has made me even more grateful for the victories I have made, including losing that large amount of weight and getting my body back to “working” condition. One thing is sure, I’m willing to work exceptionally hard for my health. That is far more important than being a certain size, just like financial responsibility is much more important than having a lot of money.
Despite my struggle, I am excited for my friend and grateful to be a part of her day. My dress, shoes and jewelry are ready to be shown off, and I’m looking forward to downing a few drinks that day. It IS a wedding, after all!
Dear readers, thank you for your faithfulness. My struggle with Lyme disease is very real but it helps me tremendously to share my story with YOU and helps even more knowing that you are reading my little blog. Until next time, keep fighting my fellow warriors.