This past weekend, I put my parents through a bit of drama.
Not intentionally you understand… you see, the frontal lobe of my brain, which controls my emotional levels, is highly inflamed. Last fall I went to the Amen Clinic in Reston, VA and took multiple BrainSpect scans (scans that show your brain in a highly magnified way like no MRI or CAT scan could ever accomplish). After discovering my condition, Dr A (a HIGHLY skilled physician) and I came up with a plan of attack to bring down the inflammation.
This issue is most likely caused by Lyme, although no study I know of has been completed to ensure that statement and no test can prove it at present; but knowing what I know about Lyme, YEAH…
So, I’ve had this issue for years and honestly, when I was younger I would have emotional rollercoaster rides and flairs that no young person should EVER have to endure. They were my first taste of hell. Since then I have come up with a whole list of “How to Deal” that includes
etc etc. My coping techniques have improved to the point that Dr A astonishingly admitted I was almost light-years beyond what my scans showed.
NOW, you can hear my “drama” story. It’s quite silly, really.
I need new curtains, and with curtains I require blackout behind them because of the extreme sensitivity to light that I have.
My mother, God bless her, has relieved me of the added burden of trying to locate good, cheap curtains that fulfil my requirements.
As I was watching tv this past weekend my Mom knocked on my door, and began to discuss curtains. She mentioned a style that we had never discussed before…or so I thought. My emotions were obviously highly inflamed because all of a sudden I panicked, lost control of my brain and wondered if we HAD discussed this style and I was not remembering!
Stressed and strained, I hurriedly interrupted and asked her if we had talked about this before; startled, she began again, assuring me we had not, but that she had found this style online and it was cheaper. However, my emotions were off and running and heaven help those in the way.
She then brought up a subject we HAD discussed and come to a conclusion on (or so I thought); TEARS now blurred my eyes as I jerked forward and asked her if we had somewhere along the line, changed our minds…again startled by my highly charged state, she said no, but that she wanted to keep the option open “just in case.”
No, no, no! I could not keep an option open, I had decided and the subject was not to come up again…my brain is on the edge, this will overwhelm it and push it past the sanity I barely possess! Please, don’t you know that the less I have on my mind, the better?
Ah, now the tears were running, now the shaking was obvious and my mother, who never dreamed that simply trying to keep an option open in case I changed my mind would cause my already stressed-out mind to blow, and burden my shoulders even more with “one more thing to think about when I had already decided!”
This is NOT normal behavior for me. HELLO, inflamed brain!! But I love my mother to death, and I felt horrible that SHE, of all people, should be the recipient off such behavior.
I apologized in time, once I hushed the tears, breathed deeply and let enough time pass that my heart was beating normally.
Those with serious illness go through episodes where the smallest change, the smallest comment or even the smallest change in weather can overwhelm them both physically and emotionally. Often they believe it is their fault for getting overwhelmed; at least, this was true of ME. For years, I believed that the fault lay with me, and fought long and hard to gain control when the world crashed in and threatened my sanity.
It took years for me to understand and believe that the feelings of going crazy, becoming emotionally charged by the stupidest thing (read above), or suddenly wondering how I would ever make it through the next day
were emotional and mental side effects of Lyme disease.
Let me just be clear, people…I f***ing hate Lyme disease.
Just watch though… my next fit (there goes the inflammation) will be about my eyebrows, or spilling my water on the carpet, or how I still use plastic bags instead of the “going green” thingies….you know, something stupid.
At least it will provide an amusing story.
The quote below is dedicated to my mother, my father, and all those who care for their ill loved ones and endure our crap.
“My inspiration comes from those who stay up all night with a sick child, a sick friend, a sick relative. My inspiration comes from those who give up their personal dreams to take care of that sick child, that sick friend, that sick relative. My inspiration comes from those who believe in their loved one…even when that child, friend or relative has stopped believing in themselves.
My inspiration comes from those people, because I have seen them. I have witnessed their compassion, love and selflessness and have marveled in the strength of their spirit. For it is that quiet strength, that strength that inspires another person to believe in themselves and achieve goals that attest to strength they never knew they could have, that is the most amazing strength in this world.”